Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
