if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
