yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
