Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
