she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
