You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Your dad touched me again.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
