i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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