Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
