He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
