i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
