If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
