suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
