So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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