i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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