Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Randomize
