all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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