saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
