why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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