just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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