So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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