She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My liver just had a heart attack.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
