'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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