I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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