I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
