My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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