Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
