I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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