I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
