he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
