did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
