He kissed a someone with a penis
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
