the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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