You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize