Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
