My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
