In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
