At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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