HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
