He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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