He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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