She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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