I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
