Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
