I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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