what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize