Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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