listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
