You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
