apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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