we're blogging at a bar
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
