Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
