Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
