i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He had one of those small greek statue penises
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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