I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
whose parrot is this?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
