I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
