wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
