they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
