what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
