I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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