Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
