I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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