O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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