i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize