Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
