I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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