First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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