We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
