how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
