bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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