I will die if light touches me.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
