i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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