It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
